I’d like to address all the Columbine conspiracy theorists out there. Please stop contacting me. I have no time for your bullshit theories. I am a firm believer in Occam’s Razor. The obvious answer is usually the correct one.

The Columbine shootings were only carried out by two people, the cowardly scumbags Harris and Klebold. There were no additional gunmen. Police did not shoot any of the victims.

Please remove your Reynolds Wrap chapeaus, get out of mom’s basement and leave me alone.